My thoughts

Change

2006-07-04T18:54:00.000-05:00

Change is always happing. Wether or not we want it to. I been fighting one change for a few years already now and I'm just about to let it happen. I been fighting the change of goin back to how I used to be. The complete opposite as I am now. For those who know me as I am now, would be surprise to know how I used to be. I used to be such alittle bastard. Always in the prinicpal office, always in detention (until they finally realized that I would never show up unless I didn't want to go home) and/or suspended in and outta school. The supension was nice. If I didn't want to stay home for some reason, I'll ask for in school supension. Which I would either just sleep all day or listen to music or play games.
But the old me wouldn't hesitate to tell anybody to fuck emself with a hot spike. I used to be outgoin, but not in a good way. I wasn't called Crazed for nothing.

Like Marvin

2006-06-01T17:57:00.001-05:00

Have you ever read or seen the movie Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy? If you never had, don't waste your time on the movie, unless you could get it for free. The book is a hella lot better homes. Anybody, if you have read the book or seen the movie, you should know who Marvin is. If you don't, than go read the book. Well...anywho..I'm just just Marvin. Most people that see me on a daily basis would differ. But nobodys knows or let alone understand the true me.. They all see what I want the to see. I'm just the nerd in back of the class, always try to speak my peace, but always go unheard. They're never suspect me, I'm just a nerd.

Chicken huntin

2006-06-01T17:57:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm heading down a southern trail; I'm going chicken huntin'
Chopping redneck chicken necks I ain't saying nothing
To the hillbilly stuck my barrel in his eye
Boomshacka boomshacka hair jumps in the sky
Why I never liked chicken pot pie?
Or the chopped chicken on rye?
So tell Mr. Billy Bob I'm a cut his neck up
Slice, poke, chop chop, stab, cut
What can you do with the drunken hillbilly
Cut his fucking eyes out and feed em to his Aunt Milly
Willy Willy chicken neck, chicken hunting gotta love it
Hit him with the twelve gauge bucket, chicken nuggets
Laid out all over the grass
Then his little hound dog will eat em up fast
Last as long as you can my man
Cuz when that chicken head hits the fan, you got
Blood guts fingers and toes
Sittin front row at the chicken show so...

Control

2006-03-11T06:50:00.000-05:00

Yall need to think bout something.....Try thinking bout all the ways that the govenment is controlling your lifes. All of the 'laws' that were made by humans to contol humans. What ever happen to living YOUR life the way you see fit....Now it's living YOUR life they way the govenment sees fit. Just because one person thinks something is wrong, don't mean that it's wrong for somebody else. What's right for one people isn't always write for everybody else......

Atleast

2006-01-23T18:05:00.000-05:00

Atleast There's one good thing in my life, but at the same time upseting.

My dearest Maricel, the only upsetting thing about it is not being with her. Gods and Goddesses know that I truly love her, and will wait as long as it takes.

why is it....

2006-01-23T18:02:00.000-05:00

i always get screwed, and not in a good way.....I finally got hold of a lawyer today and he said there's no help for me. I'm just screwed to have my past haught my every day....can't people just see past the past and see somebody for who they truly are...

Always too late.....

2006-01-01T20:21:00.000-05:00

Why must I always wait until it's too late.....Today was probably the last time I would get to see somebody. And I miss em already. Oh well.....just a foolish person I am to think that there could be anything. The sooner I'll be able to forget, the better off I'll be. I really don't expect em to call. But I keep hoping.

Promises

2005-12-28T22:37:00.000-05:00

I'm coming up on living 25 years of this current life. Once that happens I will, unfortunally, break a promise that I made to myself when I was but 15 winters old. There's only one person that I ever told what I promise myself. I cannot and will not tell anybody else. The thought would of my promise or even tempting to complete my promise would most likely end me back in jail. I never make a promise that I cannot or don't plan on keeping. I only make very few promises and those that I do make I never break. I still believe in keeping ones word.

Curses.....

2005-12-26T23:22:00.000-05:00

I often curse myself for letting certain moments slip by.....If only i could overcome my shyness and bashfulness long enough to actually talk to people that I like...I always have the habit of freezin up and not askin what i want to ask...Sometimes I pretty much know that they'll say 'yes', but I still cannot bring my self to ask.....until it's too late and they're gone. I just don't know how to do it, I know I need to just 'get over it' and do it, but it just don't work like that for me. I keep trying to ask but just can't do it. I'm just cursed with this life and being alone....there's no help for me.

My turn?

2005-12-19T17:58:00.000-05:00

There never will be. As much as I enjoy helping others, I often wonder when my time will come. When things will start coming together for me and stay that way. I always try to help others before myself. I never ask for anything in return, nor do I want anything. I just enjoy helping people. But I can't help but wonder when things will start getting better for me. They always seems to be getting worse.

Still...

2005-12-12T20:05:00.000-05:00

I've been single for just over 3 years now and it still hurts. Granted, I'm pretty much used to being like this, but there are times when it just really hurts and all i want to do is break down. I almost losted it today at work. People were talking about how bad it must be this time of year for people that are depressed, little do they know that I'm one of those depressed people that he was thinking about. Now, I could, and do, act like i'm not depressed most of the time, but i am. There's just times when it actually show, those times are rare but they do happen.

depressing

2005-12-05T19:35:00.000-05:00

i never do anything for any holiaday or birthdays.....it's all just another day to me............it's just depressing, the way that radio stations and just about everybody else keeps playing holiaday music and talking about it..it's just all depressing very much so....

Finally

2005-11-30T11:35:00.000-05:00

Finally, after about 2 weeks of stress and worrying aobut money and everything else, I've found somebody that would hire me. But, it's just a low paying job, I doubt that it will even pay the bills. So, i'm still screwed, just not as much....

hmmmmm

2005-11-26T20:56:00.000-05:00

I just started to wonder why is it that I'm always (usually) attracted to ladies that are already taken...I always found it easy for me to talk to them, could be because they tend to speak to me more freely than the others..I feel like I'm just cursed with having feelings for these ladies...and they know how i feel about them....The funny thing is...some say that they feel the same, but they already have somebody...either they are married or engaged...i really wish i could be more outgoing at times....all it does is just cause me more pain...

stressed

2005-11-25T22:48:00.000-05:00

You know.....I still don't have a job or money. I'm getting so stressed and worried about how i'm gonna get food and pay bills, that I actually have been thinking about trying to rob a business just to survive. I have a BB Pistol that looks so real. and it's very tempting, but that ain't my style. But, on the other hand, it looks like that'll be the only way i could do it. I need food...I also wish that it was a real pistol so I could just end all of this....I also thought of doing something just to go back to prision, atleast then i'll have food and won't have to worry about much....it was so much easier when i was in prision....

Hopeless

2005-11-20T08:37:00.000-05:00

With each pasting day, everything effort seems more and more hopeless.....Businesses discrimanate against me. All becuase of what happen in the past, and it has nothing to do with the position that I'm trying to apply for. People sometimes wonder why there is so much crime these days. Could it be because nobody will hire some people because of one mistake, which makes them choose either living homeless or start stealing just to have some food and a place to live?

little things

2005-11-14T21:00:00.000-05:00

Why is it the little things that set off depression.........i could talk to this person and that one, but there's always that one person that, when you talk to them, just makes you feel down again. and then there's always somebody that you just find so attractived and try to talk to, but they just avoid you at all possible cost. .....Always tend to get upset alot..comes with being lonely all the time.

....

2005-10-20T20:30:00.000-05:00

I just realized that there is truly no place in this life that I would fit in.....I will always be alone....I was never meant to have anybody, just myself..I just can't win.....

Lonely

2005-10-02T16:37:00.000-05:00

I offten think about my life, mainly about my past. I spent most of my life alone and depress. Even to this day, I'm still depress. I'm a shy and timid and easy going person, until somebody gets my polish/german blood going. I really don't think there's help for me. I grew up as a middle child. Everything I wanted, I had to get myself...everything the other 2 wanted, they got. I was always ignored and always went unheard..... Even to this day, I still go unheard. It has always been like I was dieased or something, like I had the plague. Never had many friends. I try to talk to somebody and it's like I'm talking to myself... So I just started answering myself and I found that that's the best way for me to figure things out, cause nobody else will help. Or if they would, they just did it to get something. I refuse to go see doctors and shrinks (I cannot spell the correct word), I feel as if all they care about is money... People are just too greedy these days. I always got dis from the ladies cause they didn't like the car I had or cause I don't have any money, or cause of my past. I'm also a geek. I love my computer more than anything else. The only other thing that is worth something is my car. And nobody wants a geek that lives paycheck to paycheck.

2005-08-20T09:03:00.000-05:00

2005-08-20T09:02:00.001-05:00

2005-08-20T09:02:00.000-05:00

My car

2005-08-20T09:01:00.000-05:00

My car

2005-08-20T09:00:00.000-05:00

Deffination

2005-08-20T08:55:00.000-05:00

It's annoying the way the media uses the word hackers. They have completely got hackers mixed up with crackers. The true deffination of a hacker is simply a programmer that gives away their programs along with the source code. Crackers are the ones that break into computers and releases worms and viruses.

My logo

2005-06-28T19:37:00.000-05:00

All gods and goddess playing with me?

2005-04-17T20:32:00.000-05:00

I've come to the conclusion that ALL of the Gods and Goddesses enjoying playing with me. They will let me be happy for awhile but then, out of nowhere they'll just destroy my happiness. Everytime they destroy my happiness, it hurts more than the last. They let me have a few friends that I love and treasure always, knowing that I cannot go visit them when I need them the most.

Ever get....

2005-03-30T04:09:00.000-05:00

Have you ever try to overcome a personal problem but it just keeps getting you stressed? It get's to the point that you just want to break down and lose it all. It just seems hopeless.

Photobucket

2005-03-16T07:16:00.000-05:00

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

2005-03-15T06:32:00.000-05:00

Awwwww, look how pretty my friend is. Lovely, she's just lovely

2005-03-12T14:48:00.000-05:00

Saturday Morning

2005-02-20T08:03:00.000-05:00

My friend Mandy. Such a lovely smile!! :)

Sunday

2005-02-13T20:15:00.000-05:00

I started work last tuesday. It's fun. I just hope it last. I'm gonna try and save up enough to go to the Philippines from sometime in december till the end of january. I want to visit my sweetheart out there. Miss na kita darling!!!!!!!!! Goddess and Gods I hope it works out between us.

Thursday

2005-02-10T18:08:00.000-05:00

Hay,
It's thursday now. Just ended up at work and than right over to the mall to pick up my friends, but only got one of the two. I have to drive all the way back to the mall later tonight to get the other one. Than she'll probably have me drive her here and there, for a good part of the night. I need my sleep. I hope we get his car fix soon.

One Star Shining

2005-02-09T19:46:00.000-05:00

One star shining high in the sky, alone.
Not knowing if it will ever find
another star to shine with.
Always the same star, looking
upon all the other stars, watching them being
happy with all the other stars.
Another day goes by, alone again.
As time goes on, the star slowly dims.
No one even notices.

My group

2005-02-08T20:46:00.000-05:00

http://grouper.com/groups/?id=82017 Click the link if you like to get some free appz, gamez, music and more, it's safe. It's my group.

Poems

2005-02-06T20:14:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking about putting my two poems that I wrote up. Both are copyrighted so don't go stealing them. Both are in print now also.

2005-02-03T06:03:00.000-05:00

A pic of my friend Reza (she's a sweetheart) and company :)

2005-02-02T16:10:00.000-05:00

My computer that I built........kinda small

2005-02-02T15:51:00.000-05:00

Just me Scary ain't I?

Money

2005-02-01T06:11:00.000-05:00

If you look closely at money, you will see that it's not the root of all evil, but it's just a door to the evil. Money is the main reason people do the things they do. If there was no money, things would be alot better. Using the barter system, which if you think about it..we are using that system, we're bascially just trade money for goods and services, it just has a different name.

Friends

2005-01-31T09:51:00.000-05:00

I finally found out what true friends are.
They are like the air that you breath, always there.
They are like food that nurishes the body, friends nurishes the soul.
They are like a circus, friends are always trying to cheer you up.

Meet Me

2004-10-14T08:36:00.000-05:00

Caring

2004-10-14T07:38:00.000-05:00

Why is it that some people care more for people then most people do????? Why is it I could talk to somebody every day and care about them but, when I leave they don't even notice...? I don't understand it and I never will. That's just the way it goes. I'm just one of the smallest spects of cosmic dust in the universe that no body will every notice is gone.

Why?????

2004-10-13T12:50:00.000-05:00

Why is it when I try to talk to somebody they don't answer, but yet they said hello first?.... I don't understand this........

Feelings

2004-09-29T13:37:00.000-05:00

Could it be possible to have strong feelings for someone you just met? I know it is, atleast for me it's true. I just like to help other people. There is not someone out there for everyone. I know. There is nobody out there for me. There is somebody that I will be content with and happy, but it won't be true happiness. True happiness is very seldom reach. The few that do reach it, don't realize what it is. My main passion is and forever will be computers. A computer is better than a woman. A computer doesn't require all the attention that a woman does, you don't have to feed it or anything. You just have to keep it off the floor.

Wrong, Always Wrong

2004-09-27T06:18:00.000-05:00

How can one person be wrong ALL the time? Every time I try to help, I'm wrong, everything that I say is wrong, everything I do is wrong. I'm just wrong it seems. Oh well, such is my life, always wrong.

Life

2004-09-26T15:47:00.000-05:00

What is love? Does anyone really know what love is? I thought I was in love, truely in love, before but I went away, not by choice, I was gone for 2 years and my love left me after a few months. I can't help but still think about her, I still have strong feelings for her that just won't go away. It all still hurts and will always hurt. Time does not heal all wounds.